Is a student's ability to pay University fees the only criteria for University entrance? Is the size of a student bank account more important than the A levels they have studied for? A cynical view of how Universities operate; it may not be too far from the truth.
Artists
Singer Tim Rees
Guitar Colin Tommis
Copyright © Lyrics and Music Colin Tommis
The Letters after my name
Once no one could abide when in from far and wide
They came with their foreign exchange
And with no accreditation, places sold them an education
And they loaded their degrees back on the plane
Now universities facing insolvency
Are finding better ways to make ends meet
They’re swallowing their pride and opening their doors wide
To anyone who walks in off the street
If you’ve got more cash than brains
They’ll love you just the same
And sit you down in those seminars
They’ll continually assess the state of your financial dress
You might, but they won’t ever starve
If you’ve got one
I want one better
I’m looking to add a few extra letters
Raise my status and my score
And with a fancy diploma
I’ll be the proud owner
Of a name that’s longer than yours
And after three or more years you’ll finally win your spurs
Your B.A. or Bachelor of Science
But it’ll be no use to you cos all your friends will have one too
And to get a job you’ll need a bigger license
It’s like the cold war years when we used to live in fear
Of those weapons of mass destruction
This certificate you’ve won - it’s not a loaded gun
It’s a weapon sterilised by mass production
It’ll probably make me ill but I need a stronger pill
If I’m gonna get and on and climb the ladder faster
I’ll get my cheque book out, though it’s an empty account
Its time to go and buy myself a Master's
They measure you and me not by intellectuality
But our willingness to beg steal and borrow
So they’ll be earning while we do our distance learning
And we’ll try to pay the money back tomorrow
It’s the end of my story and I’m covered in glory
I’ve got so many letters I think it’s gonna shock ya
I’ve a B.A. and M.Phil, a M.B.A. but best still
I’ve got a PhD and everyone calls me “doctor”